This is the first post in a small series about some of my inner demons. These posts can all be found under the category “me”. (This category isn’t written with a capital letter. When almost everything in this blog is about me, this category isn’t a beginning of a new sentence, but more like an elaboration).
I think people often mistake me for a deeply uncomplicated being. I don’t believe that is true. In fact, I tend to surprise myself, by doing something I would not expect from someone like me. Sometimes it is a negative surprise, but luckily there are positive surprises as well. Maybe I’ll write about some of them in future posts.
One of the greatest problems I have had to deal with is my knack of worry. I have spent so much time worrying about things that did not happen. And for some time I have even been worried about me spending so much time worrying about nothing. Even when the thing I had been worried about actually came true, it normally wasn’t half as bad as I had expected.
I know sayings like “Don’t worry, be happy” or “It is foolish to fear what you cannot avoid”.
And of course people have been telling me to lighten up – so easy to say, so impossible to do. I know it is ludicrous to worry about stuff beforehand, but that didn’t help.
A short time ago, I was a little to quick to do something before I had thought it through, and thereby making things worse instead of better. I was able to clean up my own mess, but that night I lay awake thinking of the possible consequences it could bring the next day. The next day nothing happened!
Maybe my worry-gene exploded that day.
It is too soon to tell, but it really seems like I have killed the worry demon inside me (ha! If it had been a little worried itself, it might have seen it coming). Most of the things I have been worrying about are still there, but I just don’t worry about them anymore.
Another positive thing about not worrying: I have been under stress lately, but that too has vanished: I still have more tasks than time, but I just can’t seem to worry.
From time to time I still find myself worrying about anything or nothing, but I’m not so worried about that anymore. 🙂